Kendra Wilkinson is wanting again on her time on the Playboy Mansion with new eyes, revealing that she’s “needed to face my demons” about her time there amid a latest prognosis of despair and anxiousness.
Wilkinson appeared on the E! actuality sequence The Women Subsequent Door as a playmate between 2005 and 2009, earlier than getting married to now ex-husband and former NFL participant Hank Baskett and heading up her personal spinoff, Kendra on Prime.
Previously, she’s defended Hugh Hefner after former playmates got here ahead concerning the pressures, trauma and even sexual assault that passed off throughout their time within the mansion. That features her Women Subsequent Door co-stars Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, who’ve opened up about their experiences of their podcast Women Subsequent Stage, along with main revelations and allegations of misconduct in opposition to the Playboy founder in A&E’s Secrets and techniques of Playboy.
“It’s simply out of revenge, and I really feel unhealthy for Hef. However you already know what? He’s an incredible human being,” Wilkinson beforehand instructed Folks in 2015, two years earlier than Hefner died at 91.
Now, after being hospitalized for a panic assault in September, she’s reflecting extra on what might have fueled her anxiousness and emotions that she was “dying of despair,” telling Folks now that she’s gone down a “loopy regretful path.”
“I used to be there for the partying, OK, let’s simply be actual. I used to be not there for Hugh Hefner to be my boyfriend,” Wilkinson explains of her resolution to reside on the mansion when she was simply 18. “I don’t actually see issues the identical manner as the opposite women as a result of Hef was by no means actually my boyfriend. I used to be on the Playboy Mansion for the sake of partying, that’s what I used to be there for.”
Whereas hospitalized, the previous playmate, present actual property agent, spouse and mom of two, mentioned she was placed on Abilify, an antipsychotic remedy, after weeks of not consuming or sleeping. “It was the bottom place I’ve ever been in my life. I felt like I had no future. I couldn’t see in entrance of my despair,” she defined. “I used to be giving up and I couldn’t discover the sunshine. I had no hope.”
She had been isolating herself for years following her divorce and was estranged from her family. Her newest skilled endeavor — a actuality sequence tracing her time as an actual property agent — had additionally been canceled after one season.
“I wasn’t specializing in myself or my psychological well being. Right here I used to be, a single mother, and I’ve been alone for years now. But it surely’s additionally simple to really feel just like the world is caving in on you. I used to be making an attempt to combat it by myself. I used to be making an attempt to remedy it by myself, and you’ll’t try this,” she mentioned. “I used to be isolating, hiding, blaming myself, blaming the world. I used to be spiraling uncontrolled, and I felt like I wasn’t sturdy sufficient to outlive.”
Her diagnoses have given her extra “empathy” for her fellow former playmates like Madison, who shared her personal autism prognosis in December. “I look again at my instances on the mansion, and I’m like, ‘Holy shit, I used to be depressed at factors, too,’” she shared. “I utterly have empathy with all the pieces Holly says and her story, and I wouldn’t thoughts having a dialog along with her and Bridget sooner or later.”
Wilkinson says she’s needed to rethink quite a lot of her selections throughout her temporary stint on the mansion, asking herself, “Why did I’ve intercourse with an outdated man at that age? Why did I try this? Why did I am going to the mansion within the first place? Why did I get boobs? Why did I bleach blonde my hair? Why did I?” she instructed Folks.
“I’ve needed to face my demons,” she added. “Playboy actually messed my complete life up.”
As for whether or not she’s able to get into extra of the small print of her expertise, together with visiting Madison and Marquardt’s podcast, Wilkinson says she shouldn’t be prepared. “Folks preserve reaching out saying, ‘Why don’t you go on Holly and Bridget’s podcast and discuss concerning the mansion?’ My time is my time. I’m not prepared but. I’m not prepared to speak about all that but.”
For now, she’s specializing in her remedy and the readability she’s lately been capable of obtain. “I’m so grateful for all the pieces, now that I see all the pieces the best way it’s. I used to be in a deep, darkish despair about it, however now I really feel like I’ve forgiven myself for all of it, and I really feel like I can have actual conversations about it,” she instructed the journal. “I’m out of it and I really feel higher than ever.”